apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
