So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
