First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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