So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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