all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
