I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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