let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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