Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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