I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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