So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
