ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
