oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
