does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
