what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
