I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
