party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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