A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
