If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
