I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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