There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
