we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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