she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
