You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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