3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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