i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
