He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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