He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
