I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
