i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
