If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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