he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
