Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
