wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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