if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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