she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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