Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize