I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
