how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
