ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
