I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
