You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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