How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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