did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
