I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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