no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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