I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We're too hungover to prance.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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