if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize