Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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