so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
