I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
