No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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