I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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