Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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