the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
