Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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