When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
