I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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