He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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