I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
