I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
