I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
