I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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