Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
