summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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