Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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