4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
