dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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