you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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