So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
