your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
