he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
