Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
