I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
