He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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