When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
