Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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