He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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