my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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